Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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