Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Im part way to drunk.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
