You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
