my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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