Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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