OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Please don't give away my fajitas
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
