its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
