I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
