I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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