Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
