I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
