Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
