I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
