My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
