i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
