...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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