I got chris browned last night
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
