and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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