There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
