I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
