I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
