Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Randomize
