don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm too high and old for this...
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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