I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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