I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
