five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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