Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Randomize
