Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
