meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
