if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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