I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
smell my finger.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
