May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize