the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
