yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
