if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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