so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
