I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
