New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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