dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
