he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm like, not good at living.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
