Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
