Dude my mom stole all your condoms
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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