I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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