I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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