She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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