oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
