BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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