I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
