I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Ladies don't puke and tell
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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