Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
