One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
