So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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