just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize