i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Farmville is her only friend.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize