We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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