How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
