Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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