We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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