you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
