is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
