Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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