i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
