We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize