So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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