I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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