I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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