i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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