Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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