when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
