and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Randomize
