I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
