I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
She bit a glass in half.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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