id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
