have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
