sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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